As a counselor, I help people feel better about themselves and their life. This occurs by accepting where we are, deciding where we wish to be, and working on a plan to move towards our goals.
Nice to say, but how many of us fall short of the desired goal? Yep, many of us do, at least at the beginning. Second question, how many of us give up? Again, Yep, quite a few. Why is this? Why do we give up?
There are many reasons to give up on our goal. Someone said we couldn’t, or shouldn’t, and we chose to believe them. There’s not enough time or money, or, the goal wasn’t reasonable to begin with (example: I will win the lottery with the first ticket). Or, internal punishment outweighed our ability to see progress.
That’s a biggie. Our brain talks us out of the goal. You know what I’m talking about. That little, yet very loud voice inside that says “you can’t to this”. Yep, the good old brain, saying we shouldn’t forge ahead with what we really want to do. Internal thoughts of All or Nothing Thinking: “I can only go to school full time, and finish in two years”. Or, Over Generalization: “I always fail when I try new things”. Or, how about Blaming: “My mother says this never works”. There are many thinking errors that destroy the pathway to our desire.
Many of these thinking errors stem from fear of failure. Failure can be very real. How many risk takers have lost copious amounts of money, lost the race, or even lost their lives. If we take the logical and safe route, we should just stay at home and do….mmm…very little. Even then, life has a way of throwing us off course, even when we have taken the safe path.
What’s left? Well, hmmm, let me think. Get out of the chair, go enjoy your life. This means you must challenge your thinking patterns. Most of all, stop focusing on the goal, and instead, focus on your daily progress. Knowing your goal is important, but allowing it to overwhelm your motivation is deadly. Instead, visualize the goal, pay attention to the progress you are making towards the goal, and the fun and satisfaction along the way. Every goal is different, and the energy you expend towards the goal will be also different. The amount of effort I expended during my education was in proportion to the desire to graduate and get a job. The amount of effort spent on hiking is minimal, because it’s a fun hobby and not a career.
Here are tips to prepare your mind, and achieve the goal.
- Visualize the goal while creating pleasurable feelings.
- Break the goal down to achievable steps.
- Reality check: do the steps fall within your current lifestyle?
- Recognize your thinking errors, and develop an intervention.
- Surround yourself with people who support your efforts.
- Measure your effort along the way.
- Notice what is going well, and build from that.
- Celebrate each success along the way.
Last but not least, stay connected to the fun attached to the goal. Otherwise, why would bother?
Teri is a Mental Health Counselor, serving Oregon and Washington. Teri has 40 years combined experience in customer service, mental health, addictions and management. Contact Teri for a free consultation at teribeemer@gmail.com.