I’m getting older. I just celebrated my 54th birthday. I usually enjoy my birthday, as I look forward to what the next year will bring. I admit, from time to time I wonder, “How did this happen?” It’s a reality-shock that I’m now middle aged. Really? How DID that happen? Or, WHEN did that happen?
The shock and surprise hits me when I see some young, thin, cute person, jogging by with their dog, their hair still the original color. I have vindictive thoughts of “well, YOU’ll be old soon enough,” or “we all age at the same rate” and smile to myself, knowing their time will also come.
I really hate it when an older man calls me “young lady,” assuming he is making me feel better with his cute remark and smirky smile. I respond with “I’m FINE with my age, thank-you-very-much, and don’t need to feel better about it.” Because, I am generally fine with the concept of aging.
I’m thrilled and amazed that I survived my 20’s, 30’s and 40’s. I’m gaining wisdom and don’t react to things (as much). I’m looking forward to what this next part of my life will bring, fully valuing the wonderful friends, and people in my life. I love watching the storming and norming of 30-somethings, satisfied that I passed through that phase intact. I’m more stable in my life than I have ever been, and loving that as well.
And, I have more aches and pains then I used to. My body size constantly shifts thanks to menopause, and I have less energy and desire to go to the gym. I recognize what my brain wants to do, is very different than what my body is capable of doing. My ego wants to constantly drive me to do more, to “be” more.
So I’m faced with some big choices. Do I live in the past and resent where I am now? Do I stay stuck in what “was”, or what “should” have been? Do I sit at home and watch the steady march of time towards my life’s end? Do I press my body beyond its physical abilities and suffer the consequences? No doubt, you are picking up my own brand of “All or Nothing Thinking”. Either stop moving, or force myself beyond what is healthy for me.
I must practice acceptance and emotional flexibility, trusting I’ll continue to move ahead with my life. No small task, mind you. A favorite slogan from the movie Galaxy Quest: “Never give up, never give in!”. Love that. But “never give up” means something different from when I was in my 20’s. I have no desire to conquer, overtake or achieve. I honestly don’t want the pressure to be the absolute best at something, and continue to shift the mindset that I’m always right. “Never give up” in my 50’s, is to keep moving, keep learning, to accept who I am now, and view beauty and strength in a very different way.
Yesterday, I saw a middle aged women walking out of the grocery store. She was using a cane and it was clear that it required energy and concentration to take each step. I’m sure she was in physical pain. What struck me was her demeanor. She had things to do, by God. She had packages, and she was on her way somewhere. When I felt compassion for her physical abilities, I was humbled by her persistence and drive. Witnessing her beauty through action was an honor.
So I must practice what I preach. I will develop a new model of beauty and strength. I will strive at a new pace, and love the life and body that I have. After all, I’m only 54, and there’s still so much to look forward to……….
Teri Beemer is a licensed counselor, serving Oregon and Washington, with 40 years combined experience in customer service, mental health and management. For your free consultation, contact Teri at www.teribeemer.com.